THOUGHTS ON CHURCH FOR CHILDREN
Every now and then a trend favoring “family worship” arises and wends its way through evangelical circles. “Family worship” is when the children are kept in the adult worship service with the parents. The belief is that family worshipping as a unit and children seeing parents modeling worship is better than a separate age-appropriate ministry for children.
That trend blew through in the early 1980’s when I was first a pastor. It sounded like a noble idea, so we tried it. Within a few months all of us parents changed our minds and rebuilt our children’s program. Some things work great on paper...
I recently watched a video selling the idea of transitioning a church to family worship (for both singing and the sermon). The video proposed two arguments: that separate children’s ministry exists merely because it is ‘convenient’ (a supposedly inferior motive) and that family worship is the “biblical way” to do ministry.
The biblical support for family worship was a covenant renewal ceremony described in Ezra where all Israelites, including children, stood for a reading of the entire Mosaic Law. The video also appealed to the early churches where children met with the adults and listened to Paul’s epistles being read, giving children opportunity to hear “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” Since ancient cultures practiced family worship, the video argued, we should too.
Though children did participate in adult worship in ancient cultures, the video failed to point out that ancients didn’t parent the way we do. They practiced absolute parental authority, and that’s why children could participate. Children interrupting the service with meltdowns or tantrums was not tolerated. Parents made the demand for good behavior and children had to find a way to control themselves. They were not permitted to be a distraction.
If women were required to be silent in church (1 Timothy 2.12, 1 Corinthians 14.34), children certainly were. Silence was required of men too. If you talk while someone else is teaching, you aren’t learning – and neither are the people you are distracting.
The video prescribed exactly the opposite, explaining that what matters is the mere presence of the children in the service, regardless of their behavior. Adults were expected to tolerate the distracting behavior of children.
Who earns the rebuke in that scenario: children misbehaving during worship or the adult complaining about the misbehaving?
How convenient to refuse to expect parents to parent.
I grew up at the tail-end of the “parental authority” society. At five, I began attending Catholic Mass with my parents. I had to sit in silence, face the front of the church, and listen to rituals I didn’t understand. For an hour. Every Sunday morning.
No toys or coloring books or snacks to occupy me.
No wiggling or turning around. No talking or whispering.
Still. Silent.
I learned self-discipline – a good thing. But church was boring and meaningless, and “boring and meaningless” is hardly motivating. Many who grew up with ‘family worship’ found it easy to leave behind.
When I came to evangelicalism, I found age-appropriate classes, music, and activities for children at every age level. Church was interesting and fun, and we looked forward to attending. I continue to believe it is worthwhile to make church an enjoyable experience for children. Specialized children’s ministry is a reasonable means to that end. It certainly is convenient. What makes convenience in and of itself such a terrible thing?
Some have asked me to consider transitioning our church to family worship. I don’t believe it is wise to force all families into that mold. However, parents who believe it is better to keep their children in the adult worship service are certainly welcome to do so, so long as, out of love for others, you train your children to behave appropriately and do not allow them to become an unwelcome distraction to everyone around them.
That trend blew through in the early 1980’s when I was first a pastor. It sounded like a noble idea, so we tried it. Within a few months all of us parents changed our minds and rebuilt our children’s program. Some things work great on paper...
I recently watched a video selling the idea of transitioning a church to family worship (for both singing and the sermon). The video proposed two arguments: that separate children’s ministry exists merely because it is ‘convenient’ (a supposedly inferior motive) and that family worship is the “biblical way” to do ministry.
The biblical support for family worship was a covenant renewal ceremony described in Ezra where all Israelites, including children, stood for a reading of the entire Mosaic Law. The video also appealed to the early churches where children met with the adults and listened to Paul’s epistles being read, giving children opportunity to hear “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” Since ancient cultures practiced family worship, the video argued, we should too.
Though children did participate in adult worship in ancient cultures, the video failed to point out that ancients didn’t parent the way we do. They practiced absolute parental authority, and that’s why children could participate. Children interrupting the service with meltdowns or tantrums was not tolerated. Parents made the demand for good behavior and children had to find a way to control themselves. They were not permitted to be a distraction.
If women were required to be silent in church (1 Timothy 2.12, 1 Corinthians 14.34), children certainly were. Silence was required of men too. If you talk while someone else is teaching, you aren’t learning – and neither are the people you are distracting.
The video prescribed exactly the opposite, explaining that what matters is the mere presence of the children in the service, regardless of their behavior. Adults were expected to tolerate the distracting behavior of children.
Who earns the rebuke in that scenario: children misbehaving during worship or the adult complaining about the misbehaving?
How convenient to refuse to expect parents to parent.
I grew up at the tail-end of the “parental authority” society. At five, I began attending Catholic Mass with my parents. I had to sit in silence, face the front of the church, and listen to rituals I didn’t understand. For an hour. Every Sunday morning.
No toys or coloring books or snacks to occupy me.
No wiggling or turning around. No talking or whispering.
Still. Silent.
I learned self-discipline – a good thing. But church was boring and meaningless, and “boring and meaningless” is hardly motivating. Many who grew up with ‘family worship’ found it easy to leave behind.
When I came to evangelicalism, I found age-appropriate classes, music, and activities for children at every age level. Church was interesting and fun, and we looked forward to attending. I continue to believe it is worthwhile to make church an enjoyable experience for children. Specialized children’s ministry is a reasonable means to that end. It certainly is convenient. What makes convenience in and of itself such a terrible thing?
Some have asked me to consider transitioning our church to family worship. I don’t believe it is wise to force all families into that mold. However, parents who believe it is better to keep their children in the adult worship service are certainly welcome to do so, so long as, out of love for others, you train your children to behave appropriately and do not allow them to become an unwelcome distraction to everyone around them.